Hot Diggity Dog

Why keep talk of bodily functions outside the classroom? Some awesome quotes from my professors:

Explaining why her voice is scratchy: "I'm on meds and everything. It's like 'where is the snot coming from?'" Dr. G1

While explaining the phrase structure trees of children whose language skills are developing: "If you show them one of these trees they'll throw up on it." - Dr. C

Upon getting flustered when the class covered a topic she didn't intend to discuss: "You're getting this in a big doodoo because this is not where I want to go." - Dr. G2

Meeeeeep

My friend got married this Sunday and it was absolutely beautiful. It was such a joy to watch her get ready for the day -- she was literally glowing! But while I got my hair done as she herself was pampered, I developed the feeling of having to poo. So I excused myself from the crowd of family, bridesmaids, hairdressers and makeup artists and went to the bathroom. Where I [naturally] clogged the toilet. I had to flush five times before it went down...and I was so embarrassed in front of the hordes of people waiting on the other side of the door.

There was actually a phone next to the toilet though. If all had continued to go wrong, maybe I could have called the front desk...

Mess and a Half (Jess and a Half?)

Last night, a bunch of my SLP classmates had a get-together. Stupidly I decided to walk to my classmate's house in the sweltering heat (I was carrying one bottle of liquor and 3 liters of soda for 20 of the 60+ minutes)so that I was completely sweaty when I got there. Then, I proceeded to drink. Whether or not I drank too much or I just drank my liquor in the incorrect chronological time frame with regard to the beer I also consumed, but my poor little stomach woke me up in the middle of the night with the uncomfortable desire to purge its contents. So yea. I puked. Twice. (I could still make out some of the Goldfish crackers I had before bed. Awesome). Then in the morning, my butt wanted to jump on the purging bandwagon. So I pooped. And clogged the toilet (did I ever write about my Thanksgiving toilet clogging adventure? Ah, another time). On my second try the toilet finally flushed, but not without protest. The water came up and out of the bowl, spilling all over the floor before finally making it's way down the drain. At least that problem was solved. But squatted on the floor with toilet paper to sop up the mess, I split the seem in my pants straight down my butt. So now my neon blue underwear was hanging out. I'm pretty sure my roommate's boyfriend caught this all going on. But I pretended like everything was normal :P In my life, it kind of is normal anyway.

Surfing the crimson wave

I left my birth control at home when I moved to Indiana. Not really a huge problem, since I'm not planning on putting myself in a situation where pregnancy is an option, but I haven't been off of it in 3 years. I have no idea what it will do to me! I originally began my prescription to clear up my skin and regulate my menstrual cycle so now I'm afraid being off of my meds will do just the opposite! I've had so many dreams that I've grown a giant pimple on the first day of school or gotten my period unexpectedly and in the middle of a crowded place. I've also been sure, on numerous occasions in my waking life, that my period was on display for all to see.

So far none of this has become reality but I've still got a month before I'd expect it to return. I'm almost positive my dreams will play out in some comical (and horribly embarrassing) fashion before September is through.

I will keep you posted!

Gleaming Flaxen Waxen

A few weeks ago, I endured my first Brazilian wax. It didn't actually hurt that much, and I'd consider doing it again, but the claims that it takes weeks for your hair to regrow are blatantly false. Well. Maybe "blatantly" is the wrong word. The hairs that would have been waxed had it been a regular bikini wax are, in fact, still missing. However, most of my hair grew back within one single week! Too fast!

MMM. Grooming.

Celebrate Good Times!

I finally have internet in my new apartment! Hooray!

Yesterday while I was reaching to adjust the water temperature in my brand new shower (the shower itself is not new, but it's new to me!), I smacked my head on the hand rail. Now I have a big* 'ole lump on the top of my head. Right in time to meet all my new classmates tomorrow!

Awesome


*It's actually not big and you can't really see it, but I thought it sounded funnier to write it that way. And then to divulge the truth. Yea!

If a tree falls in the woods.

I just arrived in Indiana...and since I don't have internet in my apartment yet, I've been spending a lot of time in the bookstore taking advantage of their free Wi-Fi. I also purchased a book while I was there...and when I returned home and my roommate asked me what I'd bought, I had a hard time explaining what possessed me to buy "Stiff: the Curious Lives of Human Cadavers." I make awesome first impressions. It IS an awesome book though.