Indiannnnnnaaaa

I just returned from a weekend trip to Indiana with my parents. I actually had so much fun! When we arrived at the hotel in Bloomington at 10pm, the young man told us that there were tons of restaurants open...what else would you expect from a college town? It turned out he meant "open for delivery" and "only until 11." I'm not complaining. It was just a funny way to highlight my own elitist "cosmopolitan" notions of life. Eventually we did find an open Mexican restaurant where each of us ordered a margarita. They came out the size of fish bowls and the next morning we all woke up with headaches. It was pretty awesome. Too bad my bro missed out.

Other highlights include the trip to Smoky Jack's Rib Shack where my parents held up the entire line to inquire about the state of the brisket, and my father's quest to purchase air freshener at the local gas station. He almost failed, because he called it "room deodorizer." What can I say? Farting runs in the family.

Vasalva Maneuver

Surprisingly, I haven't yet tired of the gym. I had the personal training session that came with my sign on fee last week, and my adorable trainer made me so happy! I love trainers who don't make me feel like poo for not being strong enough to do a single push-up.

All of the ab work and crunches and plank positions left my stomach feeling really sore. And as a result it hurt to cough, it hurt to laugh, and most importantly, it hurt to sh*t.

The exciting part is that I knew enough biology to explain this! The vasalva maneuver, performed by forcefully exhaling against a closed airway (therefore building up the pressure and strength in the abdominal cavity) was surely at work in the bathroom. Wahoo!

Pop Goes the Weasel

I just burned my kettle corn. It's black. And I keep hearing murmurs in the office: "What smells like burned coffee?" "Is someone eating a hot dog?" "What's that smell?"

Yea, that would be me. Me and my char-grilled kettle corn.

My hair stinks. Really badly. And I think I inhaled some carcinogenic air. Never run to the bathroom to pee whilst the popcorn is popping in the microwave. It can have disastrous results.

Schweaty Balls

I joined the gym! And I'm trying to develop a routine where I can actually wake up early in the mornings and work out before...work. It's pretty easy, I can just take a shower at the gym! And to be honest, the showers there, with their non-lockable translucent doors and the germs of a thousand people are less disgusting than the one in my own home. And! Free! Shampoo!

Stalactites abound!

There's been a lot of snow 'round these parts over the past few days. And the snow that fell yesterday was the thick slushy variety. Rather than accumulating in heaps on our roof, it found a spot of weakness over my front closet through which it has been raining down for hours.

There are over four puckers on the ceiling that look like upside down volcanoes dripping water onto the floor, which we've been collecting in an assortment of punch bowls and garbage pails. This morning, when I emptied one pail of its gritty brown contents, it was so heavy I could hardly lift it. And all of the supplies my roommate and I had kept in the closet are currently scattered all over the living room.

Grumble. Grumble. Grumble.

Hi Mom

Hi Mom, Did you find this blog? If so, you should probably stop reading right now. Seriously. If you haven't already read further, you don't want to allow yourself to do it. Read at your own risk. Namely the risk of feeling inclined to disown me for rudeness, lewdness, and various other types of obnoxiousness.

And Aaaaayyyyyy Will Always Love Youuuuuu

It was a long day at work today. And yesterday. But I suppose that's what you get when you're lowish level staff member at a museum that is opening a highly publicized exhibit that attracts crowds of people who are frustrated that their status as donors does not grant them the privilege of passing all of the other VIPs in the 3-block-long line. So they wait in the rain and complain to the lowish level staff who is assigned to stand guard along that 3-block-long-line. In the rain.

Tis ok! The bacon creme brulee, the chocolate praline mousse, the raspberry or espresso brownies from the vendors strategically parked alongside that 3-block-line make everything better! Except my figure, maybe.