A bird landed on my head today as I was standing in front of my apartment. Had I known how tiny and cute it was, I wouldn't have been so violent in my efforts to shake it off. Poor birdie. I think I gave it a fright.
Today I peed next to this girl that peed so hard she actually sounded like a racehorse. It made me pleased to have a nice feminine tinkle. Because if there's one thing I'm self conscious about, it's the sound of my excretions/expulsions (flatulence counts).
I'm glad that bird didn't excrete on my head.
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I've never been self conscious about my noises because I didn't think there were people in the world like you who LISTEN TO OTHER PEOPLE USING THE BATHROOM! Now I'm always going to be wondering if the lady in the next stall has her ear pressed up against the side, judging my every tinkle...
ReplyDeleteGirls are loud. I remember the first time I ever heard a girl pee was in a church bathroom. Don't ask. But it was forceful. I'm sure god was listening and he wasn't too pleased.
ReplyDeleteManni, what was your heathen ass doing in church?
ReplyDeleteI was there for the bird incident and it was one of the funniest things I've ever seen in my life. The first thing I did was order my cousin to get out her camera. But then I realized maybe Jess was freaking out a little too much to pose for a picture. So then I just poked her head a couple of times until the bird flew off. I think this bird wasn't very good at flying. But now I'm extremely freaked out whenever I see birds flying anywhere near my head. And, like Jen, I'm also extremely self-conscious about my peeing now. Jess is so judgy.
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