I noticed that when you walk up the stairs to my apartment, it kind of smells like mildew. Or pee.
When you walk up the stairs out of my subway station, it definitely smells like pee.
Once while walking on a subway platform I was surrounded by the stink of the other three-letter p-starting bathroom word. I walked away from it and the smell was still there. I tried the other direction, and still - gross. Naturally, I grew paranoid that the smell was coming from me. I checked my feet to see if I'd stepped in anything. I checked my butt (yes, because my paranoia is so strong that I believed it would have been possible that I'd unknowingly sh*t through my pants at some point during the day). I was walking in circles, trying to avoid the funk and thus determine that I was not the source of the odor.
My conclusion, upon entering a fresh* smelling subway car, was that it wasn't me. And I'm just a lunatic.
*The subway car probably didn't smell fresh. But it didn't smell like poo so it was fresh by comparison.
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Dear Jess,
ReplyDeleteI thought you loved poo! What gives?
Love always,
Jen
I just love talking about it. I don't love the substance or its associated properties.
ReplyDeleteI don't even know how to comment on this post...
ReplyDeleteBut I am kind of curious just how one goes about checking her butt while on a subway platform...
ReplyDeleteI was kinda curious too but didn't want to ask. So.. how *do* you check your own butt on a subway platform?
ReplyDeleteOk...so, not that I've ever had this happen before, or not that I suspect it actually WOULD happen, but my paranoia is so compulsive that I turned around and checked to see if there was a poo stain on my butt that I'd been ignorant of.
ReplyDeleteOne time, I was standing on a platform at Roosevelt Ave stop on the E waiting for an R to get to my then residence in Astoria. Well, I was standing there minding my own business listening to my iPod. There aren't many people on the platform since it's late at night, though I do notice a bum about 10 feet away from me hovering by the stairs. All of a sudden I smell the most potent poo I have ever smelled. I'm thinking wtf, look around, notice nothing on the platform. And I just about started walking away to get out of the smell zone, when the bum starting yelling at me some mumbo jumbo. I turn to look at him to see why he might be pissed at me. I noticed that he's holding onto his pants to keep them from falling. I felt bad that he couldn't afford a belt. Then I realized why he was holding up his pants. He turns around and his ass is hanging out and I'm like ew, wtf. THEN, I noticed there is shit falling from his ass. I couldn't believe it at first. And then I "zoomed in" to confirm. And yes, it was in fact, shit falling from his ass. Onto the stairs. This is from where the smelling was coming. Jess, next time that happens, look around for bums that have shit falling from their assholes.
ReplyDeleteYou "zoomed in"? ew.
ReplyDeleteI'm going to vomit. Hahaha. Zoomed in.
ReplyDelete