This post is dedicated to my awesome friend Kelsey who turns 25 today. Jen suggested I post it so she could write mean things in the comments section. So, in honor of you and your birthday, Kelsey, I negate whatever mean things Jen says. But I encourage her participation in cheering you (or drawing attention to you) on your day.
I wish you loads of Kashi bars and fat free cool whip and sweet potatoes and veggie burgers. In that order.
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Mean thing about Kelsey #1:
ReplyDeleteKelsey is such a dumb blonde, when she was driving home to PA one day she saw a sign that said "Pittsburgh Left" so she called her mom to ask where it had gone.
Mean thing about Kelsey #2:
ReplyDeleteKelsey has been mistaken for Britney Spears on more than one occasion. And not sexy Britney, married to KFed, crazy eyed umbrella wielding Britney.
Mean thing about Kelsey #3:
ReplyDeleteKelsey can only count to nine...because she's missing a toe.
Mean thing about Kelsey #4:
ReplyDeleteOnce, in Times Square, this guy thought Kelsey was a whore and asked how much. An actual whore got so offended to be classed besides Kelsey that she stepped in front of a bus.
Mean thing about Kelsey #5:
ReplyDeleteI'm lying about #4, Kelsey actually pushed her because she wanted the corner for herself.
Mean thing about Kelsey #6:
ReplyDeleteKelsey is a boys name. Seriously.
Mean thing about Kelsey #7:
ReplyDeleteKelsey likes "fat free cool whip". A lot.
Mean thing about Kelsey #8:
ReplyDeleteKelsey was going to do porn.
Mean thing about Kelsey #9:
ReplyDeleteKelsey didn't do porn because they switched to HD and people could see what she really looked like.
Mean thing about Kelsey #10:
ReplyDeleteKelsey once threw a cat at a boy who liked her. Usually she throws her pussy.
Mean thing about Kelsey #11:
ReplyDeleteKelsey's knees have developed a natural padding after she spent nearly the entirety of Senior Year kneeling.
Mean thing about Kelsey #12:
ReplyDeleteKelsey once went on a baby seal clubbing expedition. She didn't want their fur, just to watch them suffer.
Mean thing about Kelsey #13:
ReplyDeleteKelsey cheats at ice cream eating contests by unhinging her jaw and swallowing the container whole.
Mean thing about Kelsey #14:
ReplyDeleteNo one knows where Kelsey learned this trick. It was either "in the jungle with snakes" or during the period that she worked as an "escort".
Mean thing about Kelsey #15:
ReplyDeleteKelsey was Client 9's favorite girl. Ashley Dupre was framed by the secret society of Masons because Kelsey is a high ranking member.
Mean thing about Kelsey #16:
ReplyDeleteKelsey likes Disney movies so much she paid millions of dollars to have them animate her a secret cartoon boyfriend who is a composite of Philip, Eric and John Smith.
Mean thing about Kelsey #17:
ReplyDeleteAladdin is not included on that list because Kelsey is a racist.
Mean thing about Kelsey #18:
ReplyDeleteKelsey's fame whoring is the true reason behind the breakup of the ubersuccessful and popular "Woodsmen".
Mean thing about Kelsey #19:
ReplyDeleteIn the full moon light you can see Kelsey is really a skeleton who is cursed for stealing Aztec gold.
Mean thing about Kelsey #20:
ReplyDeleteKelsey spent some of that gold on a really ugly pair of shoes.
Mean thing about Kelsey #21:
ReplyDeleteKelsey is the cause for every major natural disaster since 1997.
Mean thing about Kelsey #22:
ReplyDeleteKelsey only eats things that she knows have suffered a painful death.
Mean thing about Kelsey #23:
ReplyDeleteKelsey is so dumb she once asked me to meet her at the corner of "walk" and "don't walk".
Mean thing about Kelsey #24:
ReplyDeleteKelsey hates you. True story.
Mean thing about Kelsey #25:
ReplyDeleteKelsey is really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, old!
#11 is my favorite. Probably because it's true.
ReplyDeleteManni these are all true!
ReplyDeleteCyberbullies!
ReplyDelete