K-Swiss recently found this email I had written to her in Junior year of college, when I was tremendously enamored with a boy named Charlie. It made me laugh so hard I cried:
Hey L-Swixzl!
What's up? I hop ou had a good night tonight. I'm sorry I ditched you
huys. Man. I blew another chanc. I'm not sure what to so about CHalir. I
got really drunbkj because tom mized me som tom-strngth drinjls. so i was
drunk and had a small laighting fit. Charlie was there. so hot. or cute.
or secy. or somthin along those line.s We didnt talk top much but he sorta
did somthink ith his inflatabl beer bottle. he lt m read the spansh parts.
cerveza mas fina. then tom was on the floor nd people were saying he was
dead. and i said "tom's not dead because he's speaking" and then charlie
said "you're soooooooooo smart". I dont know if he was mocking me or just
using it as an excuse to give me a complimnt. i think he wasnt mockingme
bcause he sounded drunk too. then we went back to da partie. and we didnt
really dance togethr. just nearby. and i lft to pee. and when i cam back
he put his hands in the air and said "yeah!" or something like that. im
not sure. and also one tim everyone left
and charlie pointed with his thimbs to th door. i dont know if he wasd
xcusing himslef so he could find everone or inviting me to come look for
them with him. i sorta followed but ddnt know what to do. nd i think he
was looking back for me but im so nit sure. i might hav iven him bad
signdals. Also, we kpt tossing balloons back andf forth. maybe that was
flirting. i hop so. ok anywa i will tll you this all again in more
coherenc tomorrow morning. sorry if you sdont want to hear it. Brunch
11:30 ish? Hope you had a goo dnight.
<3 heart jess
Looks like I haven't changed much since then. Pathetic. Hehehe.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteTom sized drinks are always deadly. Also, I think "thimbs to the door" should probably be a euphemism for something.
ReplyDeletelaighting out loud
ReplyDeleteIf I remember Tom-sized drinks correctly, they consisted of handing over a bottle of Jack Daniels and saying "finish this."
ReplyDeleteI really want to know more about this inflatable beer bottle thing. Because that should really be a euphemism for something. As should "tossing balloons back and forth." Actually, this whole thing should be one big euphemism.
<3 heart Kelsey
A.K.A L-Swixzl
I HURD THAT HALVE OF EUROPE GOT VENAIRIAL DISEASE AFTER KESLEYS' VISIT
ReplyDeleteWhat the hell? That has nothing to do with this post.
ReplyDeleteAnd for the record, they were never able to definitively link those two merely correlated occurrences in a causal relationship.
WHT ABOUT DIAHRERRA? THEY LINKED THAT PRETTY GOOD
ReplyDeleteDid not!
ReplyDeleteWHAT A MACHORE RESPONS
ReplyDeleteHaha, okay, honestly, I'm no match for you and your crazy posting abilities. I'm just going to accept the fact that you make a much better pre-teen girl than I do and surrender.
ReplyDeleteFine, I take it back. I'm too ballin' take any more shit from a crusty, chicken-head boy.
ReplyDeleteGo ahead and say whatevas. Cuz yo mama's so fat she has to put her belt on with a boomerang.
That's right, bring it, white boy. I'm the o.g. and you're straight wanksta.
-----------------
Better, Nate? I wouldn't want to deprive the deskbound...
YO MAMAS SO FAT I HAFTA ROLE OVER TWICE TO GET OFF HER
ReplyDeleteYou two pre-tween girls should get a room and twitter each other all night long. That is not a euphemism.
ReplyDeleteJess, luckily for you Gmail now has 'beer googles', or goggles. You'll never have to worry about sending something like that again.
And, all ya'll mamas are so fat, their waistlines are larger than their IQs, respectively.
See that, that was a yo mama so fat and a yo mama so stupid all wrapped up into one. God, 'I am soooooooooo smart'.
I'm gonna tweet all over u and ur mama.
ReplyDeleteBahrang it, bitch.
ReplyDeleteMy mom secretly wants you to do that, btw. I think it's like lesson 479 in the Kama Sutra.
If only one could be sure Jess was this incoherent because she was drunk...
ReplyDeleteI heard Kelsey is having Jude Laws illegitimate baby and Manni's mom fucks elephants.
I also heard Danny got VD from the Italian PM.
I
Who told you!?!?
ReplyDeleteI was going to sell my story exclusively to Star for a million dollars.
Commenting while you're teaching Kelsey? I see where your priorities lie.
ReplyDeleteI have crazy multitasking skills. You know you're jealous.
ReplyDelete...says Jess, who couldn't have posted this while at work.
ReplyDeleteYea, but I wasn't even pretending to be productive today....
ReplyDeleteme: i love reading danny and kelsey arguing about danny being a little bitch
ReplyDeleteJessie: i know, isnt it awesome?
me: yeah
Jessie: its hours of entertainment
me: well, danny whining like a little bitch is hours of entertainment;
couple him with someone else, and you've got DAYS!
[edited for enhanced humor]
Oh! Ditto the above, bu replace "Danny being a bitch" with "Jess drunk-typing". And drop the coupling. Jess needs no one else to be days of entertainment.
ReplyDelete