Writer's Block.

I haven't been able to think of anything to write! I'm backed up (A-teehee). It's as if I've consumed one too many delicious delicious Fiber One bars! Although I've recently confirmed with some smart smart medical school friends that there's no such thing as too much fiber. Hooray for me and my bars! And their chocolatey, oatey, non-cardboardy goodness. My Fiber One bar supplier totally knows me by now. Just FYI.

Oh, and for all those keeping track (which is really just me) it's been 135 days and counting...

Bye Bye Birdie, Why'd You Have to Go?

A bird landed on my head today as I was standing in front of my apartment. Had I known how tiny and cute it was, I wouldn't have been so violent in my efforts to shake it off. Poor birdie. I think I gave it a fright.

Today I peed next to this girl that peed so hard she actually sounded like a racehorse. It made me pleased to have a nice feminine tinkle. Because if there's one thing I'm self conscious about, it's the sound of my excretions/expulsions (flatulence counts).

I'm glad that bird didn't excrete on my head.

TWSS

Today I was concerned by the itchy state of my head over the past three days. I decided that in order to cover all my bases, I would purchase a lice comb and some moisturizing Head & Shoulders on my way home from happy hour. Unfortunately I began to fear the scene I would make upon wobbling into the store as the effects of a solitary beer took hold on my infinitesimal tolerance. I told my friend that I pictured myself stumbling in, demanding that they "make my head moist" and HOLY CRAP did I just inadvertently utter an awesome That's What She Said. Yeaaayuh.

Charlie, that Really Hurt

Mosquito. Bite. On. My. Butt.

Gone with the Wind

Whenever I smell a fart in public, I assume it was mine. Yes, I have a tendency to blame myself for any and all things, but this especially. Because even if I don't remember doing it, I'm never sure if I'm smelling the delayed result of some gas I maybe passed half hour ago.