Chicken with Broccoli

I just remembered the time my friend Katie asked me and Swiss to accompany her to the sketchy mall near school. So we walked behind her like bodyguards. Our names were Beef and Thigh.

Some people have beefy thighs.

The More You Eat the More You Toot

Everyone knows by now that I am über self conscious of the noises I make while I pee (haha! I used an umlaut). Mostly that just means I don't wanna fart on the pisser. On days when I've eaten too many fiber one bars, that's sometimes hard to avoid. But most of the time it doesn't cause any problems because in public bathrooms I can just wait until everyone else leaves or until the flushing in an adjacent stall drowns out my own music.

So what happens if, say, you have a friend whose bathroom is located right next to the bedroom. And the person is in the bedroom while you have to pee, and thus within legitimate hearing range? I can tell you what happens. You don't pee. You sit on the toilet, contemplate turning on the faucet, decide to just wait til later when your pee will come out with less exertion, flush the toilet (because your friend is totally expecting to hear the flush, right?)and pretend you're done. This is all well and good until it repeats 6 times in the course of one hour. And your friend thinks you're a psycho with a drug problem or an aversion to...nevermind.