Hot Diggity Dog

Why keep talk of bodily functions outside the classroom? Some awesome quotes from my professors:

Explaining why her voice is scratchy: "I'm on meds and everything. It's like 'where is the snot coming from?'" Dr. G1

While explaining the phrase structure trees of children whose language skills are developing: "If you show them one of these trees they'll throw up on it." - Dr. C

Upon getting flustered when the class covered a topic she didn't intend to discuss: "You're getting this in a big doodoo because this is not where I want to go." - Dr. G2

Meeeeeep

My friend got married this Sunday and it was absolutely beautiful. It was such a joy to watch her get ready for the day -- she was literally glowing! But while I got my hair done as she herself was pampered, I developed the feeling of having to poo. So I excused myself from the crowd of family, bridesmaids, hairdressers and makeup artists and went to the bathroom. Where I [naturally] clogged the toilet. I had to flush five times before it went down...and I was so embarrassed in front of the hordes of people waiting on the other side of the door.

There was actually a phone next to the toilet though. If all had continued to go wrong, maybe I could have called the front desk...

Mess and a Half (Jess and a Half?)

Last night, a bunch of my SLP classmates had a get-together. Stupidly I decided to walk to my classmate's house in the sweltering heat (I was carrying one bottle of liquor and 3 liters of soda for 20 of the 60+ minutes)so that I was completely sweaty when I got there. Then, I proceeded to drink. Whether or not I drank too much or I just drank my liquor in the incorrect chronological time frame with regard to the beer I also consumed, but my poor little stomach woke me up in the middle of the night with the uncomfortable desire to purge its contents. So yea. I puked. Twice. (I could still make out some of the Goldfish crackers I had before bed. Awesome). Then in the morning, my butt wanted to jump on the purging bandwagon. So I pooped. And clogged the toilet (did I ever write about my Thanksgiving toilet clogging adventure? Ah, another time). On my second try the toilet finally flushed, but not without protest. The water came up and out of the bowl, spilling all over the floor before finally making it's way down the drain. At least that problem was solved. But squatted on the floor with toilet paper to sop up the mess, I split the seem in my pants straight down my butt. So now my neon blue underwear was hanging out. I'm pretty sure my roommate's boyfriend caught this all going on. But I pretended like everything was normal :P In my life, it kind of is normal anyway.